Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
