Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
