She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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