It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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