So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
