who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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