Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
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