this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
