You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
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I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
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In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize