hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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