his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
