Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Randomize
