i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Small penises have feelings too.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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