i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Is Oprah even human
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Randomize
