8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
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It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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