he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
