Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Randomize
