I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
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Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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