Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i can't believe i had my finger in that
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
