It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
try to milk me bitch
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
