My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
