HIV tests are more positive than that guy
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
