haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
