Screwed.edu
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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