K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I said "one day" and that day is not today
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
