Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
