How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Randomize
