Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
