i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I FOUND THE LEGS
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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