Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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