I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Randomize
