Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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