I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
