Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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