I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
