You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
