Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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