That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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