im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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