Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Randomize
