All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
you win again, gameday.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
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