I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
