he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize