I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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