he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
i dont even know how to be here
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
