I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
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