Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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