if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
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