Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
