is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Pants are for mortals
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
