Quick, to the slutcave!
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
