dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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