eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
