Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I think i got beer on your cat.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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