he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
