a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
barbara walters just said penis...
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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