Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
