The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Randomize
