these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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