I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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