You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
