I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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