At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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