Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
