I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
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I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
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