every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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