So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
