he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
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