i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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